New years are inevitable... so what's with all the hubbub?

Everyday is a new day, every month is a new month, every season is a new season... so what makes a new year so special? I guess what I'm trying to say is why should we limit ourselves to self-reformation only once a year? So many people jump on the bandwagon of New Year's Resolutions every year but fall off within the first month or so. Yes, it helps that during New Years everyone is free, there is a lot of time that can be dedicated to self-reflection, but at the same time what kind of living is living without self-reflection? So what are we doing the rest of the year? Just getting by? Just surviving?

A good friend of mine loves a particular Jonathan Swift quote: "May you live every day of your life." I've found that that quote has become a memorial and a stronghold on which I can continually draw motivation from.

How can we be ok with just getting by? It's just a depressing way to live! Sometimes you can't help it in cases like depression and bouts of self-pity, sometimes its easier just to give into it than struggle against it; but in those times it's important to not give up on hope, to not give into it permanently!

Everyday is a new day. Make tomorrow better than today; a whole year is such a big burden and such a large task. Just like with other goals and ambitions, the difficulty downsizes with the downsizing of a goal. So break it down into smaller chunks, do it month by month, week by week, or even day by day. Make it manageable and it will be manageable!

 So happy New Day's Eve!

- JerBear

The Curious Case of Christian Death

One of my favorite movies is the film, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Why? The script is superb, thin but powerful, and realistic. The film takes you and throws you into a confusing, fantastic, yet very real world of the life of Benjamin Button and his legacy. For all of you who haven't seen the film it is probably best that you don't read past this point. Hopefully this brief description has motivated you to watch it though. Then if you still feel like it you could come back to this and read what I have to say in my critique.

I've decided I'm going to write this critique in a particular form, the exploration of select quotes from the film.

Benjamin: "It's a funny thing about comin' home. Looks the same, smells the same, feels the same. You'll realize what's changed is you. "

I'm starting with this quote because it's one that really hit home with me this time around watching the movie. It's Winter Break and I'm home for Christmas and the New Year. But things were different, my room was pretty much as I had left it even though someone had been living in it for the majority of the time I was gone away at school, the bathroom too, no new furniture, same food smells, same water quality, etc. My family was generally the same... but I had changed. I changed a lot this semester and perhaps that's why I noticed my changes more than those of my parents and sister. This quote makes a very interesting and very true observation on three levels: 1. Everyone's constantly changing 2. Especially those who are younger in age and still maturing 3. It tends to be delayed but it's easier to realize the changes within ones self rather than those in others. Which brings me to the next quote.

Daisy: "What's it like growing younger?"

Benjamin: "Can't really say, I'm always looking out of my own eyes."

It's very hard to look at your life from an objective outside perspective. You're stuck in your own shoes most of your life and on very rare occasions somehow find yourself in someone else's. We as limited beings can only go so far outside ourselves and this film also explores this idea with the relationship between Benjamin and Daisy.

Benjamin: "You know, you might've got a few more years out, but you chose to do something so special and unique... that's... there was only a short window of time you could do it... So even if nothing ever happened, you'd still be right here where you are now..."

Daisy: "I just don't like getting old... They put too much chlorine in here."

In this scene, Benjamin walks into the pool area where Daisy is swimming laps. He sees her catching her breath, and watching younger women swim laps with little effort, she starts to cry. Benjamin knows exactly what is going through her mind even though she doesn't want to admit it. Age is a big focus area in the lives of Daisy and Benjamin because even though they want to be together, the difference in aging process poses a big problem.

Daisy: "I'm so glad we didn't find each other when I was 26."

Benjamin: "Why would you say that?"

Daisy: "I was so young!... and you were so old! It happened when it was supposed to happen."

Benjamin: "Hey, I will enjoy each and every moment I have with you"

Daisy: "Will you still love me when my skin grows old and saggy?"

Benjamin: "Will you still love me when I have acne? When I wet the bed? When I'm afraid of what's under the stairs?"

Benjamin: "I was thinking how nothing lasts... and what a shame that is."

Daisy: "Some things last."

There are points in their interactions where Benjamin is just quiet and takes pause. He understands the importance of single moment in time. He realizes how necessary it is to sometimes just take a moment to drink life in... He recognizes the fluidity of life and how fleeting a day let alone an hour of time can be. 

Benjamin: "And mortality was a common visitor to our house. People came and went. Death was so frequent, I was never afraid of it. You could hear when someone left us, there was a silence in the house."

Benjamin Button: "What if I told you that I wasn't gettin' older, I was gettin' younger than everybody else?"
Mrs. Maple: "Well, I'd feel very sorry for you...to have to see everybody you love, die before you do. That's an an awful responsibility."
Benjamin Button: [narrating] "I had never thought about life or death that way before."
Mrs. Maple: "Benjamin... We're meant to lose the people we love. How else would we know how important they are to us."

He not only grew up in a house where "death was a frequent visitor" but went to war and saw the tragedies that had befallen many men he didn't know and some he knew rather well. The lesson he learns from Mrs. Maple is a lesson on great wisdom, wisdom that only comes from the experience of death. It's the same as the idiom, you don't know what you've got till it's gone, but hits home harder with anyone who has experienced the death of a loved one. Through interactions like this, through experiencing deaths of many people important to him, Benjamin develops a very different philosophy on death than what most people ever do. He grew up thinking he would die at any moment, grew up watching his earliest friends growing old and dying, saw death in inconceivable numbers at war, and by the time he finally got to his prime lost his mother. 

Benjamin: "You can be as mad as a mad dog at the way things went. You could swear, curse the fates, but when it comes to the end, you have to let go." 

He realized that fighting death, avoiding it, being scared of it in the end had no meaning because everyone is faced with the task of accepting death and it's finality. I found this very interesting because at first I thought it only had applicability for atheists, because most religions have some sort of view on death, some sort of comforting perspective of death or at least a noble idea attached to it. But even for Christians who have the promise of heaven, a paradise beyond all imagination (with no hurt, no pain, no suffering, no tears, no strife, no conflict, just joy, love, peace, happiness, etc) have trouble with death; most of us are still unreasonably scared of death despite what we believe to be true and promised to us. And again it brings us back to the inability to extend ourselves very far out of ourselves. It is hard, because of the way we are naturally made,  to trust others, we already barely trust ourselves. It takes some real effort to trust yourself, to then trust someone else, and then trust an invisible being. As Christians, when it's over for us, instead of letting go of our need to trust in something completely, we let go of everything we trust in except for God. Perhaps if you're blessed, you'll find a way to trust in Him only at a single point in your life, but I would think it'd be very rare. One of the main things we strive for as Christians is the ability to let go of everything else and just trust in God alone; so obviously this would be a task meant for the end of our lives. This is against our incomplete and flawed nature! We work on it to the end, once we get there God tells us that we're ready; till then it is something for us to strive for, a reason for living, along with the goal to be used in God's will and plan, along with the finding and fulfilling of a need and desire to bring God glory as we were intended to.

There are many truthful observations in the film's script... but I found there is a necessary step to be taken before looking at it and taking it in, as a Christian. Christians are called to discern, to be in the world but not of it, so that crucial step is one back... a step away from it to look at it through the lens of scripture. Calvin College would probably approve of this blog post haha. Anyway, the point is that there is much to be learned from looking critically at this film. I think in a way this is not only a public call to discernment of films but a self-call to be more active in looking at films in terms of script, production, direction, acting, and more. 

I hope you enjoyed this or learned something from it and that you feel free to comment and/or reply to this with any critique of your own of the film or of my critique. :]

Have a good day!

- JerBear

Christmas time?

Hey everybody!

It's Christmas eve today... it sure doesn't feel like it though. And I'm sure many across the US agree with me on that this year. This winter has been rather warm for a lot of areas in the country and so even places in Michigan aren't going to have a white Christmas this year. For some reason this has been a topic that's been bouncing around me head. See, my house is not decorated as much this year, was not decorated till two days ago, and doesn't have a Christmas tree up. The feeling is just off... but lately I've been finding that the feeling, though important and helpful at times... is not the main factor in Christmas... or anything for that matter. It's the decision one makes; in this case, the decision to celebrate the birth of Christ, the decision to spend the celebratory time with loved ones, and the decision to make it a special time.

So all of you out there who have been finding it hard to make it feel like Christmas... stop trying to feel it and just choose Christmas over whatever else this time could be for you.

I hope you all have a wonderfully joyful Christmas! :D

- JerBear

It's break! Time to party?... or not?

Salut!

It's finally Christmas break for me... and part of me doesn't want it. Now, I know that seems like a strange thing with how much I detest school work and how much I like the comfort of a home, but it makes a lot of sense to me at the moment.

I'm finding I have a lot of time on my hands that I end up just wasting... and when that time is wasted I just complain. I've been finding that I don't like all the hustle and bustle of a house full of people... perhaps I've gotten too used to living with a relaxed roommate and even more so suitemate in the dorms this year. I have been messy, all over the place, and easy-going when it comes to my personal stuff/space/room this past semester. It's been like my refuge from my attempt at organizing my life, school work, etc... and so coming back home, perhaps I was expecting the same thing...

Turns out back home there are more people and even though none of them are living in my room, they all care more about its neatness. I've been back for one night and my parents have tried to "help" me organize my stuff... the little bit that I actually brought home. My sister got back tonight, and though I love her, she has a need to organize the bathroom that I lack. It's just the little things, you know?

My dad for some reason insists on me doing everything within my power to test his new "toy" a wireless server for our printer... all the while I'm trying to talk to people, work on this blog, and do other things I had hoped to get done today. I don't even have anything to print!

Ok, ranting is done and out of the way. Now, praise and thanksgiving are in order.

I'm so thankful for the semester being over! It was stressing me out terribly... I have not felt as free as I had when I finished my last exam in a very long time! I'm also very thankful for my CAS 190 group members, who without, I would not have been able to get a 97 on the final project. I also praise the Lord for so many great newer friendships and renewed friendships in the last two weeks or so of the semester and particularly for one friend who has been exactly who I need at this time in my life. I thank Him also for the many personal struggles that He has brought me through in the last month and a bit. I am grateful for all the blessings and amenities that I have in my life... too much to even list or count. The more I think about it the more sick I am of it, but I also know that I need to appreciate what God has given me and not just complain and refuse it (something I learned from a friend :] ). I look back at old blog posts and think back to further back times in my life and realize how it's all still just building up to something: there's a waveform of sorts but it seems like either the frequency is increasing or the amplitude is... I can't tell. Maybe a little bit of both. :]

No matter what, however, I plan to make this break as good as it can be; and perhaps in order to do that I need to avoid partying hardy and just plain relaxation. I'm not entirely sure what God has in mind for me, but I know that he'll provide the peace I need and the break I so desperately need.

So for now, bonne nuit et au revoir!

- JerBear

Oh! I forgot to mention, I'm totally finally learning french and loving it! :]

Contentment is such a good thing

I'm really content right now. God has shown me so much love and grace in the last few weeks. I haven't felt so relaxed, tired, but alive all at once in so long. This can obviously only be by God's grace. I don't deserve it but He knows my every need and knows exactly when to supply it. Just this little blurb for now. :D