I've been thinking about names today... those of others and
my own especially. Jerry... spear ruler... or if you want to pretend it is a
shortened version of Jeremiah... God will raise up and set free... JieLei...
quick/agile thunder... What does it all mean to me? What does it say about me?
I'm starting to see how these names I have don't rightly reflect me and who I
am... JerBear my nickname that I have chosen to accept... perhaps fits the
best. Now the thing about a bear is that it has many connotations... perhaps
the first conjured by my nickname is a teddybear; something huggable, lovable,
big, and comforting. But that's not the only side of a bear... a bear also has
the ability to rip a man's head of with one swipe of a paw... bears are fierce
wild creatures that not only eat berries, honey, plants, and such, but also
prey on other animals for sustenance as well. I'm starting to see that in the
nickname JerBear there are two things about me that I need to accept... my
warm, loving, and caring side... but also my dangerous, wild, fierce, and
aggressive side that I tend to shy away from... that I tend to try to hide.
I don't want my goal to be a "nice guy" any
longer... I have a friend who posted a status on facebook dreading the fear
that he may not be as much of a "good guy greg" as he thought he
was... when I read that at first I was sad because I disagreed because I know
he is a good guy... but I then realized that the goal in itself was what was
wrong, not him... It's important to be good, to be nice, to be caring and
loving... but to forsake the danger and wildness of the self in hopes to deny
the possibility, the chance, the doubt of strength and dangerous gone bad...
That is just disheartening... but so many of us men do it nowadays.
I've been reading the book Wild at Heart by John Eldredge...
It's a very good read so far and has guided me to some very important
revelations and confirmed some old and recent self-discoveries and has really
got me thinking hard about who I am and what it means to be a man. The symbol
of masculinity that constantly surfaces in my mind is the famous C.S. Louis
line from the Lion Witch and the Wardrobe: "Who said anything about safe?
'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you." This
line says so much about Aslan, about God. He isn't safe... He is Dangerous...
He is Powerful... He is Fierce, Wild, and along with all that He is Good... I
think God calls men to this kind of masculinity... not the war, blood, and
violence... sometimes that is involved because of our depravity but they are
not the goal, they are not what makes it masculine. It's the combination of
danger and wildness with love and righteousness...
Guys out there, I encourage you to read this book if you get
the chance. I haven't finished it but I can already see how it is changing the
way I see things, think, see myself, etc. and in a good way. :]
- JerBear
